Tag Archives: grammar

Good email of the month

Hi

You have
a very interesting profile!
Is opera
your preferred singing style?
I’m starting
to listen to more classical music
and have wanted to listen to opera
for awhile,
but didn’t know where to start.
Do you
have any recommendations?
Agree re: the mango.
I bought a mango slicer
off of amazon
and it’s been awesome.
Well,
just wanted to say “hi.”
If my profile seems interesting to you,
I’d love to hear back.
Hope you’re having a good start
to your week.

Complete sentences!  Proper punctuation!  I have died and gone to grammar heaven.

Thank you, Say No to Crack!

Hats off to this guy (and his English teachers) for keeping it short, sweet, personal, AND introducing me to the concept of a mango slicer.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a mango slicer to shop for…

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Filed under Good Email of the Month

Ladies love Linus. Or not.

Hey

whats going on?
why did u
join match?
i like
yr profile.
what do u do
for fun?
chat with u
soon

Oh, if only I could post this guy’s profile picture…  First of all, he’s cross-eyed.  And he looks a whole lot like Linus from Peanuts, minus the blanket. Hot.

Hey look, the Grammar Bandwagon is coming! I’m jumping on.

Ok, now we’re rolling. Well, then. I can only assume this is one busy and important dude, because he’s apparently much too busy to be bothered with silly things like capitalizing the first word in his sentences and spelling out super-long words like “your” and “you”. I supposed I should be flattered that he bothered with any punctuation at all. I got question marks – woot!! I’m flattered. I’m blushing. Really, I am.

And now, on to deeper subjects, such as “why did u join match”. Although I ponder this question a good bit myself, the answer is simple: because I like milking goats. “What kind of a stupid answer is that?” you ask? Well, a stupid question will get you a stupid answer. Stupid is as stupid does. Thank you, Forrest Gump.

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Filed under Bad Grammar, WTF

Double no.

Hi

You’re pics are great,
you’re tall
and you like to travel.
nice…

would you like to meet?

…and a second email a few weeks later:

hi

I think we have
a lot in common.
Except for the opera,

but I’m willing to learn.

Do you want to meet sometime?

Translation: “I’m desperate, and I need to get laid.”


Not to mention, emailing me twice? No, I did not respond to the first email (really, would you?). Desperation is not sexy. Neither is having grammar skills on par with a 6th grader. I bet my 13 year-old cousin could write a paper better than this guy. Well, at the very least, I bet he knows the difference between “your” and “you’re”.

Never ask someone out in the first email.  This guarantees no date and no nookie.

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Filed under Desperate, Stalker

OMG Cheetah!

Cheetah

OMG,
where did you
pet the Cheetah?
I love Cheetah’s
and would love to have one
as a pet ;-)
Just kidding
about the pet part,
but how cool
would that be?

Well, it seems Cheetah Man was rather taken by the picture above, which I included in my profile.  I thought it was pretty nifty to be able to pet a wild animal that could rip off an appendage had he merely been in the mood to do so, but I didn’t leave thinking, “Hey, this sucker would make a fabulous pet!  He’s got fur like a Brillo pad and could chow down on every animal on my block.  Now I just have to get him through customs…”

There’s a bigger problem here, though…  Cheetah Man is easily old enough to be my father.  Social security is not too far off for this one.  He may be filling out his AARP membership application in anticipation of the Golden Years, but by golly he’s hip enough to use “OMG” in an email.  And seeing that Cheetah Man isn’t all that far from retirement, maybe he’s thinking of activities to fill his time in his old age.  Perhaps a visit to a 4th grade classroom to learn about the proper use of an apostrophe?

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Filed under Bad Grammar, Dumber than a 5th grader, Too old