HelloHi, I am a [insert age here] year old male in PA, US. I am looking for a nice, loyal, sensitive lady for a serious relationship which can lead to marriage. I have no kids, never married and do not drink or smoke. If interested, please contact me so we can get to know
Form Email Alert! But more on that in a minute. First of all, I must point out that this guy looks like the love child of Dracula and Cher. I can easily see him in his bedroom in Bum F*ck, PA, wearing a cape and crooning “If I Could Turn Back Time” with a Romanian accent.
Ok, now back to this little issue regarding the Form Email. Anytime someone sends an email that does not mention anything about the recipient (“Hey, I’m a coffee snob, too!” “So you joined match because you like milking goats?”), it is a form email that has probably been sent to 100 other people – if not more. I can feel the desperation from 200 miles away. Hey, if this guy throws enough darts at the target, he’ll eventually hit the bullseye…. right? That’s what he thinks.
So if he’s going to throw a bunch of darts at the target, he should at least make the throw interesting. I’m feeling generous today. Let’s help this guy out. I’m going to turn his email into a Mad Lib, and ya’ll can can fill it out and give it some spunk. Ok?
“Hi, I am a (number)___ year old (mammal)________ in PA, US. I’m looking for a nice, (adjective)__________, sensitive (noun)________ for a (adjective)____________ relationship which can lead to (state of being)_____________. I have no (plural noun)__________, never (past-tense verb)_____________ and do not (verb)_______ or (verb)__________. If interested, please (verb)___________ me so we can get to (verb)___________ each other.”